I am not a world traveler. I had never been to Africa prior
to two months ago. I can still count on one hand the amount of countries I have
visited. As a result, I tend to experience things with a bright-eyed optimism
that has long since left more veteran volunteers. And to be honest, it is
solely because I don’t know any better. Everything is still so new and
exciting. Everyday I experience something I never imagined possible a few years
ago. It is what gets me through the day and makes other struggles manageable. It also leads to moments that make me think
these exact words: “Oh, Ethiopia. You’re so silly!” It is such a hilarious,
wonderfully foreign place. In honor of these moments (hereby called
Ethioopppses) I thought I would post about the top 5 (shareable) silliest
moments so far. Here they are in no particular order:
1. As previously
mentioned, the main staple in this country is called injerra. Think of a very
thin sponge. Now make it sour and cold. There you go, you have injerra! During
a meal, you lay this on the bottom of your plate and put all the other food on
top. To eat, you tear off pieces of injerra and use it to scoop up the food
piled on top. There are no utensils or napkins. You only use your right hand
and the messier you get, the better you are doing. If your hand has chunks of
food and is dripping by the end of the meal, you’re practically Ethiopian
(someday I’ll get there). There is also a practiced called “gorsha”. It is a
very sweet gesture that show the recipient he or she is deeply care for. During
my site visit, I went out to lunch with my counterpart- the head of the English
department at my school and someone who will be instrumental in the work I do.
We spent a lot of time together during the week and sure enough, this day at lunch,
she wanted to gorsha me. This all sounds great, right? Co-worker showing
affection! Integration! Woohoo! Let me explain to you what gorsha is. It is,
simply put, being feed. So there I was, 24 years old, being hand feed by
someone I had known for 5 days. Remember how messy a proper Ethiopian’s hand
should be while eat? Yeah, that only made it better. And this is not someone
tossing popcorn in your mouth or a neat tidy bite sized sample. We are talking
about an injerra envelope with saucy lentils dripping out. There was
finger/mouth penetration. If that isn’t a special lifelong memory, I don’t know
what is.
2. Recently, the Peace Corps was kind enough to give our
group a “mental health day” that included peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,
CHEESE, and a trip to a near by hot spring. There was a naturally heated pool
where most people spent their day. I was feeling slightly adventurous and
walked about 10 minutes to a smaller pool (I use the term pool loosely) that
was much hotter and usually only frequented by Ethiopians. I was told the water
was not the cleanest and that scared many people off. As I walked up, I knew
that things might get a little strange because the hot spring pools were
segregated by gender. Never a good sign. But I trudged on, with two friends by
my side. As we turn the corner and saw the hot springs pool, my laughter
started. One of my friends turned to us, said “peace out”, and left. The hot
spring was being used as a communal bathtub. Women were totally sudded up and
scrubbing each other. I suddenly became aware that my friend and I were two of
only a handful of people wearing bathing suit tops. We waded in the scalding
hot pool despite the situation because we had not had hot water in weeks and
knew it would be another 3 until we got it again. We went directly to a corner
and surveyed the situation. There were women, from teenagers to 70 year olds
shampooing and washing. It was the group of older ladies that made me think of
the song, “Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to a fro? Can you tie them in
a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your soldier like a
continental soldier? Do your ears hang low?” Tried as I might, I could not help
but starting singing the song aloud with one key word change. Maybe you can
figure it out… As we were getting out, two teenage girls grabbed their camera
and grabbed us to take a picture with them, as if their friends would never
believe they saw two white girls in the hot springs pool without official
documentation. So somewhere out there, there is perhaps the most awkward photo
that has been taken in the history of the world, and I am smiling and laughing
uncontrollably in it.
3. In my lovely town of Eteya, there is a big market every
Monday and Thursday. Whenever a forengi decided to go, it is a big deal. There
are at least 25 kids following us at all time. At least 100 people staring. At
least 60,000 (okay, that one might be exaggerated) trying to peddle their
goods. To summarize, we become the main attraction of the market. One this
particular day, I was walking with two girls: Amanda and Sarah. We were on the
ever so important hunt for guacamole fixin’s. With our trail of kids and 100
onlookers, we went throughout the stalls looking for avocadoes. It turned out
to be a fruitless (pun intended) venture and we started to leave. As I walked
by a giant steer, it looked at me, took two steps and threw its head into my
shoulder. I was launched into my friend Sarah who bumps into Amanda. Thankfully
the steer had no horns and we were all fine. Once I regain my composure and
stop laughing, I notice that what felt like 200 people just watched this all
happen and were laughing hysterically. In there minds, nothing funnier could
have just happened. I know for a fact that I was the topic of conversation in
hundreds of Eteya homes that night. If I ever tell you this story in person,
don’t be surprised if it becomes “that one time I had to enter an underground
bull fight competition as ransom payment to save two fellow PCVs”.
4. I went to the market another time with my good friend
Sarah. Again, we could not find what we were looking for in the chaos of the
market. I know there is organization to it; I just have not idea what it is. We
were getting frustrated and swarmed by kids every time we stopped. The kids
were getting under our skin that day. The shouts of “money, money, money, you,
you, you, China, China, Korea” were getting to us. Instead of getting mad and
yelling, I turned to my friend and said, “Do you want to scare them?” We hatched
a plan and on three… two… one… we jumped around to face them and yelled, “boo!”
The kids did not see this coming. They all turned away in terror and ran. Some
kids literally fell over. One little kid started crying. I could not have
envisioned a greater success. And wonderfully, the 100 onlookers saw the whole
thing and starting laughing at all the kids and making fun of them. The two
Chinas finally got some revenge!
5. Going potty here is a delicate process. I have danced
around fully explaining what a shint bet it for a while now. The time has come.
The shint bet is a room with a hole in the ground that is housed outside, a
small walk from the house/restaurant/bar etc. You squat over the hole and do
your business. Some of these holes are very deep. For example, the shint bet at
my house is like a cavern. It probably goes down like 15 feet, which is exactly
what you want. Others are shallow and I don’t think I need to explain why that
is awful. Some have concrete floor, others have mud floors and others you tell
yourself is a mud floor. If you want to use toilet paper, you need to remember
to bring some with you because there is none in the shint bet. In fact, many
Ethiopians don’t use toilet paper. Remember how I mentioned you only eat with
you right hand? It is for a reason. But don’t worry; they wipe their left hand
off on the shint bet walls. So the key to this process is to stay in there as
short amount of time possible and to not touch anything. To give you an idea of
how serious this is, I have special shoes that I only wear in the shint bet
because anything that makes contact with any part of a shint bet is
contaminated (seriously, who wants to come visit?). I should also mention that
my diet is lacking potassium and electrolytes. Why do I mention this? Because a
lack of potassium and electrolytes cause muscle cramps. Why do I mention this?
Because a calf cramp while using the shint bet was the single most intense
experience of my life. It took everything I had not to fall over in pain. And
recall my pervious description and think of the consequences of falling over.
Like baby Jeffery, I would have been “FOREVER UNCLEAN!” I grimaced through the
pain. I tried to stay strong and upright but every bit of weigh I put on my leg
was agony. I managed to get out of there as quickly as I could and then
collapsed into a fence outside. I felt like I had just dodged the biggest
bullet of my life. Colors were a little brighter that day. Food tasted a little
better. These are the experience you are missing out on with your fancy western
toilets!
Honorable mentions:
-We created a mixed drink in Eteya. Gin, Sprite and a little
strawberry lemonade crystal light powder. It was dubbed gummy bear pee. Try it
and thank me. But being warned, it tastes like candy and may result in you
having a 12-minute conversation with your brother, sister and brother-in-law of
which the content you cannot remember. Or so I’ve been told.
-A mode of transportation here is horse carts. It is a wood
bench, placed on an old car axel drawn by a horse. Think Cinderella’s pumpkin
carriage minus the pumpkin, regal looking horse, and feeling of safety. Then
add a driver who is more interested in looking at the foriengis than the road.
Like a fairly tale! But anytime we go on one of these, I like to pretend I am
in a parade. As if I do not already attract enough attention, going down the
street in a carriage propped up five feet above people walking waving like a
princess because I cannot resist, fun times!
If this was too long and you just scrolled down to the
bottom without reading, let me summarize: this country and I are getting along
swimmingly!
