Self-Supplied Cruel And Unusual Punishment

As I sit on a bench in my house killing time before going out to watch Ethiopia play their first Africa Cup of Nations game, I am enjoying my newest favorite pastime: torturing myself.

I have heard there is a point, in a Peace Corps Volunteer’s service, where the PCV stops driving him or herself crazy dreaming about American food. I foolishly thought I had reached this point. For the past 2 or 3 months, while I had cravings, I felt I had reached a point of contentment, where care package goodies were enough to tame my food desires.

Then, about a week ago, I started smelling bacon. It is important to note that bacon is only sold at two stores in this country- neither of which are in Asella. Muslims and Ethiopian Orthodox are not suppose to eat pork and since those are the two biggest groups in my town, I can say with confidence there is not a single pig or any pork around me. Yet, hand on a burrito, I swear to Carne Asada, I could smell bacon.

From there, it all went downhill. In talking with someone back home, we came upon the subject of pizza. I delved into a ten-minute rant about what type of pizza I would want if I were home. zPizza is cheap and within walking distance. Nice thin crust, a salad, and a Pepsi with ice (WITH ICE!- I don’t remember what that stuff even looks like). But New York/Barros are higher quality and way more greasy. Then I thought about the glory of Tony’s pizza- deep dish with more cheese on a small than I will see over the course of my 27-month service. I may or may not have shed a single tear at the mere thought.

I talked to my mom to find out my family had dinner at BJs pizzeria and brewery. I literally made her tell me what everyone ordered and then placed an order of my own to the universe.

Last night, I daydreamed for 30 minutes about eating at Taqueria de Andes in Yorba Linda. I was debating about what I would order and then had the brilliant (cannot wait to test it) idea to combined Ethiopian style of eating with Mexican good. I dissected the logistics of ordering a burrito and an extra tortilla. I’d open the burrito and use the extra tortilla like injerra to scope up the goodness. The bite distribution would be incredible. Some bites you want meat, others heavy on beans and rice is better. This allows you an ideal bite, every time!

This is my life now. This is what I fantasize about. The moral of this: when I come home in about 6 months for a visit, you will likely be able to find me by going to the greasiest, most unhealthy restaurants you know. I am going to do some serious damage at all my favorite eateries. I bet I can gain 15 pounds in 3 weeks. It is going to be amazing.